Back to Reality

I have to leave Arizona tonight =( bah!!

I hate leaving my sister =(

Its good to know my family loves me always and forever though. I have a very blessed life!!!!!!

Can't wait to see my seXXXy man and my little fur babies!!

Now its back to reality.

xoxo

Desperate women

So B went out to the bar last night with a friend to play some pool. When he got there a girl named Dana who he has known all his life was there also. She walked up to brian and said,"wheres natalie?" he says "shes out of town this week"......Im sure her eyes just twinkled at the THOUGHT.....

so they continued playing pool when she came over, sat on their table, and said "So are you buying my beer, or what?" Brian, who is always a gentlemen, said sure and to go ahead and put it on his tab.....

So later on when they were ready to go home Dana stumbled up to him (DRUNK) and asked if he could take her home. LOL. Brian said sorry he couldnt drive her home bc he already had to drop his friend off on his way. Brian offfered her 20 bucks for a cab, but she refused saying that she could pay for her own cab but really she just wanted to "talk" with an old friend.

Some girls might be upset by this- but I was completely impressed. My man had complete control over the situation all while still being nice and respectful.

Even though she was throwing herself at him, I think Brian handled the situation perfectly :)

I'm a lucky girl!!!!!! xoxoxoxoxoo

Slackin'

I havent worked out since Ive been here. I brought my dvd's and my weights but......bleh...i dont wanna.

hahaaaaa..baaaad natalie.

o well. I will get back to it when I get home

For now I just wanna hang out and be lazy so thats what I'm gonna do damnit =)

Untitled

If you know me personally (which there is only 1 person on my blog that I actually DO know personally) then you know I am a BIG foodie. I love food.

Well my sister is married to a mexican man (we are Italian) and has two little mexicana princess baby girls :)
So today I said, "lets make enchiladas for dinner tonight" My sister said "ok....BUT....its never gonna be the same as Lucas's grandma's so dont be offended" lol

I decided to go totally opposite of regular red chile enchiladas and I made Sour Cream Chicken Enchiladas made with mild green chiles (the way my B loves it) it was DELICIOUS and everyone loved them. My sister ate two whole plates and said they were "different but very very good"

Score one for the Gringo :)



My friend told me that last night at the club was terrible. She walked with 10 bucks. Seriously. WTF. Our club has been sooooooo packed lately but for some reason nobody has been making money!!! They are all there to drink and "just hang out" and sit back and STARE for free. Even worse is that she says the DJ did not announce anything about private dances or tipping the girls or anything. LAME. Our DJ sucks.

Example: His booth is directly behind our main stage and there is a fog machine only on this stage (disgusting smelly nasty fog shoots out) welllllllll, we are all very suspicious bc he always has weird ppl hanging out in his booth and usually his nasty washed up wife too. Well, a couple months ago I noticed he would turn on the fog machine and get the room SUPER foggy so that he could take a hit from his CRACK PIPE real quick and nobody would notice bc of the immense amount of fog. Gross. What a loser. His wife too. Not to worry though- if I felt like at ANY time I was inhaling that shit.....I would tell someone (not that my managment gives a FUCK about what dancers say). Until then, I will ignore the stupid asshole and go on about my business. I dont wanna lose my job for "tattling" EVEN THOUGH umm its completely illegal and sick and disgusting what he does. He is always sooo SWEATYYY too. Thats the cocaine. yuck. We hate tipping him bc we know what an ss he is and we know exactly what the tip money will be spent on. ugh.

SOOOO glad to be away from that place for a bit.


changing the subject


The girls are upstairs taking their bath before bed right now and as soon as she gets out I told her I would paint her toes pink for her (shes only 4, so shes only allowed to paint her toes, not her fingers) :) So cute. Life is good.

Phoenixxxxxxxx

I love my family. These kids kick ass and my sister rules =)

Just the break fom reality I needed.

My head is clearing and I looooooooove it.

Although- I do miss my babe pretty bad. He's so good to me!!! Im lucky and spoiled ROTTEN! LOL

wooooooooooot O happy Day

xoxoxo

Untitled

Last night at work was ok. My friend D hooked me up with a super cool guy at the beginning of the night ..

at our locker downstairs she says " HEY! Theres a guy up there, his name is J, I told him I was sending you upstairs to say hello. He's kind of having a bad day so I know you can cheer him up"

Sweet!

I get up there and see a dude that fits the description she gave me..... I crouched down next to him with my hand on his back, smiled the best I could, and said "Hi are you John?" He looked noticably drunk, but a good drunk, could still hold a conversation. "Yep Im John"

We sat and laughed and talked for about 1 hour...lol, strangely I was even attracted to him. He had really great eyes. Very soulful, if that makes sense. He made me laugh and I made him laugh and never even asked him about his bad day...it was great. I think its what we both needed and I found myself thinking about that connection we had allllllll night and into this morning (obviously)

It wasnt even a sexual connection so much. I mean DUUUUH there DEF was some sex chemistry. But Im a taken woman and it was probabbly bc I was half naked in front of him anyway BUT it waas something more. Like a weird emotional connection. It was like we had known each other in another life.

creepy....i know lol


So moral of the story....thank you D :)

UGH.

So I got up and worked out this morning again.... well I tried anyway.

I got about 4 minutes into my workout and SERIOUSLY I was already feeling winded. I thought I was in pretty good shape from stripping but nooooooooooo way.

OK so 4 minutes in and I'm huffing and puffing....the fat girls in the video are barely sweating WTF.

Im trying as hard as I can and frankly I think I am doing pretty good bc I was semi-keeping up and pushing myself

THEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

B walks in the door and says " Those girls are kicking their leg out way further babe....do it better."

EXSCUSE ME??

I'm the one TRYING here. Support me don't discourage me!! I started crying of course bc my feelers were hurt and I was in pain and just felt likw crying. THEN his tune changed. He said
"im sorry honey, you are doing great, I just want you to get the max workout for your effort"

Yeah whatever.... ugh


He messed up and said a stupid thing and it totally ruined my workout for the day!!! Or maybe I am the one that ruined it for myself by letting him get me down.

Tomorrow I shall try again

xoxo

Jillian Michaels is a bad ass

She is the trainer from the show, The Biggest Loser.....anyway, my friend Paris told me she was a bad ass trainer so I read some really good reviews onloine last night about her 30 day Shred video. I got up this morning and went to Barnes and Noble and got it came home and

OMG

My legs are sore. HOLY CRAP.

I have never worked out in my life and I knew it was gonna be bad but

JESUS CHRIST.



The actual routine was only kinda hard, I got super sweaty and winded lol, but i'm sure after a few more days I will be ready to go to Level 2.....


Bleh :)

When do you speak up?

Sunday was a strange shift

I talked to a few different people at the beginning of the night that just made me feel WAY more alienated.


Im starting to think I am the weird one in the room.

Gimme my chair BITCH

I get to work last night, baaarely make it to my locker to set all my shit down and Alabama says "DUDE there were drug dogs in here last night going through locker" Freaking out.

Afew hours later I am up in the VIP with S and I see her sitting a few tables over with a regular. OMG she's STILL talking about the dogs!!!!! lol

At the end of the night after Platter when we are all walking downstairs, she is in front of me talking to Nicole saying "ooh shit dude omg what about the dogs?? im freaking out" Nicole lookede VERY irritated.

Bama- don't make yourself so obvious. Seriously. Everyone knows you had coke in your locker and bag and up your nose. Its ok. Just ditch it and SHUT THE FUCK UP about it. Nobody cares.



....


I sat in the vip with S last night, who frankly, I'M FUCKING SICK OF. He can be really cool but I nooooooooooooot worth it anymore. We talked a bit about my brother and he told me some really nice, sweet things and gave me really good advice BUT ugh I dunno. He can be SO disrespectful and Cool at the same time!! I guess it comes down tot how much money he is giving me. Which, with the way my club has been lately, its pretty good for a shift. So I only have to see him once a week, sometimes once every 2 weeks, so I'll hang in there


J texted me- "Hey babe, I hope you have a great weekend!!!!" Soooooo I guess that means hes NOT coming in this weekend?? I cant be greedy and expect him to give me that much money weekly and regulary?? or can i? Either way, Ill give him a week off but next weekend he owes me bc Im going to Pheonix and I need $$$$$$$$$$$$ :) Im a greedy bitch sometimes.



When we get downtairs after platter to get ready to go me and my locker corner (me, and 3 other girls plus kendra and sometimes Crissy lol) all grab chairs and sit in front of our lockers and talk, get dressed, count money blah blah. Last night I was grouchy and tired. I pulled my chair up to my locker then decided to go get some soup from the housemom. I said "Hey nobody take my chair K? Ill be RIGHT back bitches" ok seriously, 4 seconds later I come back and this stupid BITCH who, get this, has two neon orange star tatoos AROUND both of her nipples ANNNND a "Made in Malaysia" tattoo on her ASS, is sitting in my fucking chair counting her money. BITCH. So I said louddly, "THANKS ALOT BITCH I'm not feelin great and I asked nobody to take my chair!!!!!" She pretended like sh didnt hear me and all my friends lol were loike "Here babe sit in my chair/share with me/lemme go get you another chair" LOL I love my girls.......The Angelica leaned ove to me and said "I will roll that bitch and we'll get your fucking chair" Paris said"We'll fuck her up dude that was fucked up" LOL and poor V said
"Uh I didnt even hear you lololololo"


The moral of this story is hahhahahaaaaaaa We are mean. Well\, I am mean. I got super upset over a DISGUSTING old strip club blue fucking makeup chair. My friends were ready to jump her. hahahaaa.

Either way, I wanted my damn chair! so childish

Then I cried on my drive home bc I was sad about my brother. I actually yelled out loud in my car what I would've said to him". I probably looked funny but, for me, it really helped get o9ut my aggression and stresses.....ugh.

B woke up and sat with me while I scarfed down a lean cuisine. I was crying and eating all at once and he sat next to me rubbing my back. HES AMAZING. I'm so lucky. He turned my shower on for me and said "leave ur plate there, Ill get it" So I set my dinner plate in the coffee table and got into the shower, and then fell asleep HARD.


No regulars coming in tonight. I am going to try to keep a bright smile on my face and an open mind.... hopefully it brings the $$$$

ok....maybe I'm NOT over it

I just cant help but feel sad for him. I want my brother to live a happy healthy life full of laughter and great friends and someone he truly loves.

But its never gonna happen at the rate hes going

Ppl say "he'll grow out of it" I bet he doesn't.


I bought my ticket to pheonix to go see my sister and the kids for a week. It will be so great to see her I CANNOT even wait. Shes my BFF :) And the kids fill my soul, and my soul has been emptying slowly lately due to my SELFISH brother.

Made Cheesy Manicotti for dinner w/ homeade garlic rolls. It was delish...B said it was one of the best dinners I have made :) Succcesss!

I'm working Friday, Saturday and Sunday. I sure hope my shifts are decent!!!!!! Lately its been at least one horrible shift a week. Whats up with that shit anyway??


Annyway sorry I know Im jumping around subjects- but I think being with my sister will bring lots of much needed girl talk/family talk/ brother discussing therefore clearing my brain a tad of all the bullshit that has been clouding it up

At least my home life is good. me and B are as happy as ever and I love my life and my dogs and my everything......Just slight family crap that it starting to creep up and put a stink in things GRRRR

emotionally shocked

My brother texted me randomly again last night to tell me another sob story.

Shawn: My grandad is getting married and leaving me out on the streets...now im homeless

Me: Hes not leaving you homeless!! You are a grown man and you need to take care of yourself! Have you been looking for a job?

Shawn: Whatever natalie, you can go to hell. Im tired of asking you for help and getting nothing in return

Me: ????????? You treat me like shit. Stop texting me with your complaining about EVERYTHING. get a job and get a life.

Shawn: You are dead to me. I fucking hate you you peice of shit.


????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????






I dont know what to say to that. I never returned the text and he never wrote back. I cant be treated this way anymore even if it mean I no longer talk to my idiot baby brother (for a while anyway)

The only time we ever talk anyway is when hes got a problem (which is always).

I'm over it.

My night off...

What a kick ass night. B got a fire going in the living room for me! I got my puppies cuddled with me too yay :)

Made crock pot chicken tonight and some strawberry bread with cream cheese glaze over the top for dessert :) My man is so spoiled


May go get my hair trimmed tomorrow!!

Life is good
xoxo

Porno Queen

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Cheap Cowboys

Just went and got my nails done yay. All better now.

So last night at work was terrible. Nothing was good about last night. Money sucked. Stockshow cowboys are CHEAP ASSHOLES. And my friend is having a really bad time. GRRRRR

Why do men insist on degrading us and treating us like meat?? Seriously, I have no problem dancing NAKED for you however, please show me and my friends and co workers some fucking respect. Next time some loser tries to poke me in the asshole with a flimsy fucking dollar I just might flip out. OH, and jesus christ please take those disgusting fithy dollars out of your mouths people. GROSS. Ill admit, if it was a 20, 50, or hundred....i jussssst might take it with my mouth. maybe. BUT NOT YOUR STUPID FLIMSY TORN FUCKING ONE DOLLAR BILL.

man, I guess I have some pent up aggression from last night. It was miserable.

My job better redeem itself tonight.

Greasy Salty Fries

I wok e p this morning super groggy...i walked straight to the bathroom and peed and got into a hot hot shower, i feel better now.

I did really well last night at work. S was in there ACTUALLY being nice. I think when I told him to fuck off last time that I cant handle him being over the line drunk - maybe he took note? maybe not? Meh, whichever way- he was tolerable last night ANNNNND I was the only girl there out of his favorites so yay for me I got all the $$$$$$. woot.

C was in there the beginning part of my shift, I feel sooooo bad for this man. I've known him almost 6 years and he has been coming into the club for at leas 15 years!! He is married to a girl named L that used to work at Shottys. They fell in love hard and have been ,arried now for the past 14 years Wellllllllllllllllllllllll L has a cocaine problem. They are getting divorced bc she has just done so many not forgivable things to him in the last years and its getting to be too much for him. C was damn near crying bc he found out that while he was away for the holidays visiting his son.....She fucked some other dude alllll over there house. Poor guy. L is a hooo bag. Coke whore. C is a good man and deserves a real woman ....Im gonna text him later and see how hes doing :(

J said he is coming in on Sunday and can't wait to see me....weird. He's weird. BUT he gives me ALOT of money :) well....alot for me :)


Last night I was starving when we left and WTF the housemom had NO FOOD left. ugh. Maybe thats a good sign bc the food was good? but daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn bitch needs to have a crisis stash of crackers! Or maybe I should just keep a crisis stash in my own locker? Anyway, I went to mcdonalds and ordered a big n tasty with just meat, cheese, ketchup and bread :) The lady was all "are you sure??" yes bitch, im sure. I scarfed the fries. oooh how I love greasy salty fries.


I hope I meet some cool people tonight at work that have lots of spending money!!!!!!!!! xoxoxoxo

Good eyeshadow day

About to head down the highway for another night of work...I hope all goes well. C is supposed to be there when I get there and he said he couldnt wait to see me...so i hope he brought plenty of cash. Hes been there since happy hour so im sure he has spent a couple hundred already on other girls...i just hope hes still in the spending mood when i get there....$$$ , its a good eyeshadow day so yay :)

B says on monday we are gonna hang all day at he river. I hope we can just spend the night up there too, Im tired of my house and I wanna get away...

I need to buy a plane ticket to Pheonix so I can go see my sister and the kids I looooooove visiting her.

Well...Hope tonite goes well for me

xoxo

I slept for 12 hours last night....ugh. I love sleeping but now I feel even worse. All groggy and lethargic...................

B is at Bop's house working on the Harley they are going to ride them up the mountain in a bit. I havent decided if I wanna ride too...I should bc its sooooo so fun but Im just sooooooooooooooooooooooooo lazy right now.

Im gonna get up and shower and have some breakfast.

Releasing the tension

I had a good cry today... I just needed it and it had been a while. I got into the bathtub, layed my head back to relax, then I started thinking about all the wrong things...and started to sob. ugh. Good thing B was out at the store. I got it out for a good 10 minutes then I washed my face, put eyedrops in and went on with it....

There's a fire burning in Boulder right now and its getting bad. It is out in the hills where there are a lot of family farms, so the horses and cattle all had to be relocated. :( Its sad because these people could lose everything they have. well...every material thing. The animals are all spooked. I hope everything turns out alright and Ill be watching the 9 news to see


So B has been asking me to make him some healthy snacks sooooo...I made him some yummy peanutbutterballs (haha balls) and out a squirt (haha squirt) of grape jelly on the inside. YUM

And I made some Applesauce Oatmeal cookies...they're good but next time I will probably add raisins since they are B's fav.


I texted my brother this morning "How are you feeling?" and he wrote back "Like Shit..


I wont let him bother me. well, Ill TRY. my cry today was probably my anxiety from him coming out of my body. No sense in crying over someone who will never know/believe you were even upset. Hes stuck inside his own walls of thoughts and I cannot open the door for him.

B has only 4 more classes left O THANK GOD. I hate it when he has to go there. We had amazing sex this morning :) It was so lovely.... we shall again tonite I suppose... :)

Self Sabotage

He does it to himself and tries to make me and mom feel guilty. you know what, he DOES make me feel guilty. and I shouldn't.

Hes needs to learn to take control of his own life. I cannot do it for him. Happiness is created and if u stomp around with a bad attitude and a "woe is me" attitude then well YEA YOUR LIFE IS GONNA BE SHIT.

and how dare he treat my mother the way he does. Doesnt he see that she loves him and hurts for him? I hate to listen to my mom cry over things he's said or done. Hes so hurtful.

GROW UP ALREADY!!!!!!!!

I cant take much more of your guilt trips and manipulation. Our mother has done everything she can for you!!! Treat her with respect please.

GRRR...now that I got that out...

work tonite was GAY. What the hell was I thinking going in for a 4 to 10 shift. I know better. I just had a small burst of motivation to get up and get my ass to work and make that $$$$$$$$$$$ yeah.....well.....it didnt turn out quite like i planned. Although, I worked with a new DJ today who is friends with my good friend so that was fun...yay.


Gonna stay home tomorrow and thursday and try to get some good lovie time in with my B before he leaves on Sunday to go to Iowa for work. He should only be gone for 1 week this time. I will surely miss him :(

baaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh nothing more to say xoxo

Food is Love

Food is how just one of the ways I like to show my love to my family and friends

Growing up me and my Grandma were ALWAYS in the kitchen. always. She would chop the vegetables and I would carefully pour them into the boiling water. I mixed the cookie dough while she measured out all the ingredients, She would slow cook the pasta sauce all day and come ask me to be her taste tester. We most definitely share a love of food and giving and love.

Tonight I made a Split Pea soup....some people probably say ewwwwww wtf split peas are nasty. YES yes they are. BUT its all in how you slow cook and simmer the soup adding just the right ingresients. I slow coooked a ham hock (for smoky flavor), onion, LOTS of garlic, carrot and add a bay leaf....then add in the prepared split peas YUMMMMM omg its amazing. seriously.

Ive been trying to get more vegetable and healthy foods into my B. He walked in the house, kissed me and sid OMG Whats that smell it smells soooo yummy:) He ate two bowls :)


Food is love and how I can nourish and feed and nurture my friends and family. Im a big softie and total nurtuer. however the fuck you spell it.

Anyway, If anyone ever reads this ever ever then go to AllRecipes.com tons of real home cooks and their wonderful recipes. Its one of my favs.

Grocery Shopping

Sometimes I get super stoned and hit up my local King Soopers...fun times :)

Last night at work was alright. pretty normal. I miss my friend, but shes going through family stuff right now :( My heart bleeds for this girl!! She just can't catch a break lately...

So my secret santa (my cousin) brought me a lump of coal for christmas....meaning she forgot to get me something LOL. So I talked to her on myspace yesterday and said "babe, dont worry about my gift!! really its ok!" and i thought everything was fine....well my aunt just called me aand was lik e"omg d feels so bad!!!!" I told her to telll her i love her and seriously its no problem. (seems a TAD greedy to go askin for gifts way after christmas lol) ....so whatever


Theres a chick at work, we'll call her A. She can be a basketcase!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Probably because of all the cocaine that she does. I mean seriously, the girls has a problem. AND im l;aughing because last night she told me very nonchalantly that she was 26. YEAH RIGHT HONEY. maybe 10 years ago!!!!!! lol..i can be vicious sometimes.

B is up at Mary Jane snowboarding right now :) I love him and he loves snowboarding!! I hope hes having a good time.....

lazy days off are my fav!!!!

xoxox

It's a new year at the Skin Bar...same ol shit.

Last night I had TONS of anxiety. ugh.

My night at work started off with me walking around the room looking as if I didnt know what I was doing (I didn;t). FINALLY, as I got up on stage 3 there was a very tall, bald, skinny dorky guy. with bad breath. He kept saying "wow honey your body is unreal" very VERY drunk slurrrrrrrrring. I said, "come for a lapdance with me, ya?" and he goes "DUH, of course"

Now this was my first dance of the night!!!!!! It was like 10 o'clock and I hadnt had a dance yet!!! so yes, I was happy :)

We get into the dance room and OH MY GOD this guy had naaaasty beer breath. GROSS. Brush your teeth boys!!!! We danced 3 songs and he gave me one hundred bucks. YESS! I was called to stage, but after my set we went back for more dances....danced 3 songs and this time he gave me 200. yipee!! We went to sit at the bar together bc he needed a beer....while at the bar he "gazed int my eyes" hahahah!!!! I seduced this drunken man BAD! LOL. we taslked a bit then he stood up and said "I gotta go now, my cab is waiting" I stood up to hug him and he pulled his wad o' cash out of his pocket, handed it all to me and said "you deserve it baby" LOL he was trying to talk sooo smooooth. gay. I walked him to the door, said my thank yous, then ran downstairs to put my money away in a safe place. I did not count it.

Soooooooooooooooooo I get upstairs and my friend S is there. He says "I saw you sitting over there with that guy....it made me a bot jealous" HHAHAHAHAAAA!!!!!! GOOD!! I wasnt trying...I sat and flirted with S for the last hour or so of my shift....he was drunk (as usual) but this time we talked until last call and there was no time to do dances with him (thank god, i hate dancing with him) so he handed me 200 in dream girl chips and said "well i had gotten these for you...so i guess ill just give em to you now" (yesssss) so sweet!!

My night turned out well (miraculously)I stopped and got McDonalds and got some nuggets because I was STARVING.

Brian went and chopped a whole truckload of firewood and unloaded it up against the house this morning all while I was asleep! Hes a good man and now we are restocked on firewood wooop.

Work started off good for this year....lets hope it stays that way.

xoxoxo

Welp. Here we go again.

Every year at the end of the year I start to reflect back on all the things I did and the things I am most happy about and the things I shoulda woulda coulda done. So I guess thats what makes people want to "change" at the beginning of the year always.

"im gonna start working out"
"im gonna go tanning EVERYDAY"
"im taking a long fucking vacation"

I get it because I've said all these things myself.....yet here I sit on my couch "burning a hole in it" as my babe would say :)

So now my thoughts go over to my friend that says "WTF why do people always want to "change" at the beginning of the year?? Don;t they realize that it doesnt take a special day to change?!" THAT'S why I love the girl (Well, one of the many awesome reasons!). Shes absolutely right.

I should just GET OFF MY ASSSSSSS and DO all the things that I sit here dreaming of.....

NOW

these are NOT "resolutions" by any means. Just things I have been thinking about:

Cooking Classes
Teeth Straightening
NEW CAR!!!
visits to my sister & mother
1 vacation with my sweetie


I dont think thats asking to much. All its gonna take is a bit of planning and a lot of WORKING and PATIENCE and SAVING :)

maybe I put too much of the stress on myself. Well, actually I completely do create it all myself.

One day at a time is all I can do




im excited yet nervous...!! I hope this time next year I can look back and be proud of myself