Monday, May 11, 2009
my boss says whenever i feel ready i can also pick up a few dancing shifts. so ill be a dancer/ waitress.... im very excited bc my old club is still home to many good friends of mine and good friends of B's.....so being around positive low key energy is what i need in my life...
i finally signed up for facebook and i secretly love it. Dont ask me why.... I refuse to get a twitter account though..... lol
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
I havent been doind a whole lot of anything. like today i slept until 11, then i layed on the couch for another hour or two then I got my lazy ass up and went tanning, then went to Panera Bread to have lunch. HAHAA! I am living like a spoiled brat and loving every second of it.
I havent been on here bc a lot of my blogroll consists of strippers/hookers and their stories....but lately i just dont wanna hear it. i dont care about stupid crap that goes on in a strip club. i am just so beyond done that it feels so goos and i am ready to start filling up my days and nights with other, more productive things. Stripping was not productive for me towards the end. It was very very destructive actually!! I am proud of myself for breaking freee hahaaa lol
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Something about late night fires really makes me feel so good about my life. It enlightens me ..... if that makes sense.... :)
Anyway....... I peeled off my fake nails. Gawd those things are hideous. My real nails are tender now but I have been nursing them with this protein shit. It just feels good to get the stripper off of me!
OH! And my legs (and other things :) are suppppper fuzzy right now because I am going to get waxed for the first time ever next week LOOOOLL What am I thinking?? I have no idea. I want smooth pretty skin and I am tired of shaving! B says it is going to hurt like HELL. I bet it willl but I will probably pop a Vicodin before going in there for sureeee!
Brian has been home for a while so thats always great! i LOVE when he is home for a few weeks...but then that means when he does go, he'll be gone a while...
BUT I am just going to enjoy having him here and not get to hung up on him leaving.
Today I took a nap in the hammock out back and I plan on doing the same tomorrow :)
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Im sorry. I wont subject myself to verbal abuse and weirdness. Your club isnt even that great anymore. Your girls are busting their asses to make 200 dollars and all you care about is whether or not this IDIOT is comfortable and having a great time??? He insulted 2 of your best girls and you do nothing.
The best thing about Shotgun Willies is the amazing girls I met there.
I am going to be spending some time with my family and just AWAY from there.
Obviously I did not deserve the punishment....but in a way he gave me eexactly what I have been hoping for!!!
Friday, April 3, 2009
I texted him this morning "Am I suspended for the rest of the weekend?"
he wrote back "Nope you have a meeting with my before work tonight"
WHAT THE FUCK. Why?! So he can humiliate me again? Upset me again? Make me cry right before my Friday night shift??? Thanks. I appreciate it.
Why cant he just leave it alone. Why does he feel the need to play my Dad and lecture me over what I did wrong. I am not one of your kids I dont need to be scolded like a child.
I know that I have a bad attitude at times and I am sorry. It is something I have been in trouble for all my life. I was always the girl that talked back or had to have the last word. I feel this is because I wasn't heard in my household growing up....I was the middle child with the big heart that nobody paid attention too.....so in some way i get very uncomfortable and defensive naturally towards people...i tend to want to prove that how they treated me was wrong.
And he is right in a certain sense because I should be more professional as well when dealing with issues that come up in the club. But I feel I would have more incentive to act appropriately towards these cocksuckers if I knew management would deal with them the right way.
But they never do and never will. They just tell the customer: "I am sorry for what happened, I will deal with that girl, enjoy your drink...better yet here's a ticket for a FREE drink"
But that's life I guess.
Whatever....you can bully me and degrade me and try to make me feel like I am in the wrong- BUT I KNOW I AM IN THE RIGHT. YOU, my friend, are in the wrong.
Who the fuck do you think you are anyway??
I am a strong woman. I was raised to stick up for myself and those I love. So when some COCKY asshole decides that he wants to take his pathetic life out on me and my friend while we are TRYING to fucking dance for him I am just supposed to ignore him and giggle and pretend I didn't hear how he said me and my friend are not worth TWO DOLLARS??
I'm sorry. Its just really hard for me to stand by and let that happen.
Also- I think its awesome how everytime I need you for something you are NOWHERE TO BE FOUND. NEVER. I tried to find you and let you know what that asshole said to us....but I couldnt find u anywhere- go figure.
So tomorrow I will come in to work early so we can have a little "meeting" in the office where you tell me AGAIN how I am in the wrong for fucking sticking up for myself. And I will bite my tounge ONLYYYYYYYYY because I need my job. NOT because I think you are right in ANY WAY.
But the truth is I fucking hate you. I despise you. Your a faggot fucking Republican. Get a life. Better yet- Go fuck your fat wife.
Sorry for all the CAPS. But obviously, I am pissed :)
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Her house was TRASHED. Like ewwww dirrrrrtty. Shit everywhere. Old pizza boxes, Silvermine Subs wrappers laying on the living room floor from 2 weeks ago, FULL nasty ashtrays (even one resting on the back of the toilet in the bathroom- so she can smoke and piss at the same time I guess...ew). Her body looked skinnier than ever too. A sure sign that she is still doing lots of drugs at work everyday.
So I drove her to work on my way in bc our clubs are literally 1 block away from each others. She hugged me when she got out of the car and said "Thanks again and it was really good seeing you again" ............
At about 2 am that night when I was getting dressed to go home after a long night at work, my phone started ringing and it was her. Probably wanting a ride home. I didn't answer because somewhere inside I knew it was a bad idea to even reconnect with her in the first place. Plus one of my very good friends was like "i dunno Natalie, i think you should just leave it alone. You are better off without her" Shes right. Completely right.
So about 3 days went by and I didn't call her back or text her or anything. Well today I got a myspace message from her that said "I never heard back from you- gimme a call or something" and instantly I feel this gross anxiety. I do not wanna call her back. I wish so much that I wouldn't have even gotten back in touch with her ever in the first place!!!! ugh.
lol.....the shit i get myself into, i swear.......
Monday, March 16, 2009
Saturday, March 14, 2009
I will miss him terribly.
He's napping on the couch right now and I am typing this in tears because he looks so peaceful and perfect over there and I don't want him to leave :(
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Saturday, February 21, 2009
I didnt get to bed until super late last night. and then I slept until 2pm. yay.
Work was good last night. I made almost 600 bucks! Yipppeeee =) It was snowing all night too so I thought for sure the club was doomed as everyone would want to stay home and out of the bad weather. But it was pretty busy and everyone was very nice to me and complimentry. It was nice! When it was time to leave people were saying that the roads were super icy and everyone should drive very carefuln (I drive an hour up the highway home). To my suprise the roads were completely fine!!!!! Leave it to Coloradoans to freak out over a little snow.
B was riding his 4x4 yesterday out in the feild and he melted the rubber on his pants to the hot pipe on the 4 wheeler....bummer. This morning we tried everything we had in the shed to get it off (including a heat gun) nothing was working so I called up the 4x4 shop and they suggested trying "Oven-Off". You know, oven cleaner..... so we got some, spray it on, and Voila! It wiped right off :) yay. Shiny new chrome pipe again....now we just gotta get him some new pants :)
I am working again tonight and I hope it goes as well as last night....
Sorry that I never have any interesting stripper stories for ya'll. I guess when something weird happens I just try to forget about it and go on with my night in a good mood. I'll will try to keep my blog in mind though whenever anything weird happens hahaaa...
Oh wait!!!!!! I do have 1 semi-weird thing. I have this regular named S. He comes in every Friday and gives me cash and we hang out blah blhaaaa. So he hasnt been in in almost a month!! WTF. Anyway, yesterday he texted me that he was in Las Vegas. because he has a 2Hour fuck session planned with professional escort, Nikki Avalon. *grumble* Good for him, seeing as that I would NEVER fuck him and he knows it....but uggghhh don't tell me about your sordid affairs dude. I know he just tells me to get me jealous- but really all it does it FREAK ME OUT about him more. Hes a habitual escort/massage parlor visitor. A little sad, if u ask me :(
Till next time
Thursday, February 19, 2009
I just completely paid of my credit card and so now I feel like I "deserve" to spend 400 bucks shopping online! NOooooooo Natalie.
I keep telling myself that I should reward myself by not charging up my card again this month and therefore not having a bill to pay next month ..... lol
I am slowly getting better. All I have been doing is dosing up on NyQuil, sleeping and eating.
I am going to work Friday and Saturday, and I am actually pretty excited about it. My last shift was really good and maybe I am just tired of sitting around the house...either way, I'm happy to go and that's something that hasn't happened in a long long while.
Another thing I have been thinking about lately is my house decor. I cant stand it!!!!!!! We live in an old rental house...so its not like I want to redo the entire fucking house but damn! You guys- I have bunny rabbit wallpaper in my kitchen. It makes me wanna puke every time I walk in there. B keeps promising that he will talk to the landlord about making some renovations and taking down the horrid wallpaper and putting a fresh coat of white down...but....i don't think he actually has. Brian's take on it is that I should be happy about the rent I am paying (only 825/month, which is CHEAP for where we live), and i should keep in mind that other than the few things that bother me, its a really gorgeous house in a perfect spot.
ugh. i dunno.
my woman instincts to re decorate are driving me crazy
when i was a kid i used to re arrange my room on a weekly basis.
NOW I feel like I'm living in a hippy house. I mean- i have a poster of bob Marley hanging in my kitchen still.
When I try to do small things to make myself happier like take down the bob Marley poster b will say "WTF wheres my poster?" He notices every time!!!! He had an old dusty Coors Light neon sign (no joke) hanging above my fireplace for the longest time....one week when he was away on a trip, I took it down and hung some family pictures up instead...I thought about throwing the Coors light sign away but I could just hear him "@$#@%" Sooo, I put it underneath the couch for storage..... as soon as he got home he noticed right away, "wtf whatd u do with my sign??" i said "don't u think this picture of our family looks better?" i told him of course i didn't toss it it was under the couch and i said "damn u seem reeeeaally worried about that neon sign!" he said it reminds him of his childhood blah llha blah childhood drinking beer?! lol
I told him the next house we live in please please I must take control over the decorating...its my female right...and he said ok i can but i have to stop complaining about how we live now.
I'm picky I guess. but damn!!!!
I went on HGTV.com and they have soooooooooooooo many beautiful pictures of professionally designed rooms! Jealous!!!
One day I will have the home of my dreams and he will have an entire basement to hang his dusty old beer signs and plug in his Lava lamps. Ill be glad when I never have to look at them again!!!!!!!!!!!!
One of my new Favorite websites: http://www.tastespotting.com/ LOVE IT! Its like eating without the calories =) Another: www.SeriousEats.com this is a very popular food website that I have grown to love love lOVE. Its the first page I visit every morning after my email =)
OH! And I really need to start working out again. B got me a gift certificate to my favorite tanning salon so maybe I will go tan tomorrow before work.....really I think I would feel the best if I had been working out this whole time....
I just really cant get motivated! How does everyone else do it?
My main problem I think is I stay up late and sleep in. Today I woke up at 2 in the afternoon! Not good. But when I get home from work at 3 then I have to wind down and shower and everything it is probably 5 am ...so my sleep gets all messed up. It was gorgeous out today too I should've just GOT UP and took a nice refreshing shower, thrown some clothes on and went for a walk! But I didn't so......blaahh.
Sorry about my randomness- I sometimes leave my blogger up all day and just write every so often when I feel the urge. I realize I can be a bit confusing if you don't know me personally (or even when you do know me personally hahahaaa!)
Right now my B is on the couch next to me sleeping with the fur babies all curled up next to him sleeping too. aww. I am grateful =)
Tonight we watched this crazy movie with Leonardo DiCaprio called "Body of Lies" Meh, its loooong and boring. I got on my laptop to tinker around and B fell asleep. So there ya go.
Tonight for dinner I made Asiago cheese and Bacon stuffed Pork Chops with sweet corn and white cheddar mashed potatoes mmmmmmmmmm. It was delicious!!!!! Every last crumb was enjoyed!! I shoulda took a picture it was so gorgeous looking!
(going back to my lazy non working out fat ass)
ok i am not a fat ass. but i LOOOOVE food. Im Italian, therefore, I spent more time in the kitchen growing up than most kids I hung out with. I loved it. I hate dieting and I will never stop eating pasta and cheese and wine and all the yummy things in life.
With that said I have to get serious about working out!! LOL. Especially since dancing around half naked is my job :P BOO!
THIS is terrible...
Poor Patrick Swayze is dying of cancer...
I know lots of people die of cancer everyday, and I feel for them also, but my heart just breaks seeing this photo of him.
Man I kind of wish I was at work right now....I feel like crap and I know I shouldn't be there but whenever I get a dash of motivation I feel like I should be using it! Instead of sitting here rambling on....
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
So for the last two night I have tossed and turn aand woke up feeling like SHIT! I think its because I can feel a draft coming in the window right by my head when I sleep! Ack!
The worst part of not being able to breathe through your nose is that you must breathe through your mouth and i turn, my mouth is SOOOO dry. Ew! Not fun damnit.
Anyway, I have been pumped up on the Nyquil for a few days and I suppose I will take some more in a bit......ahhhhhhhh!!!
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Finally! Geez....I was reeeeealllly starting to be down about my job. I was freaking out. Leave it to freaking Valentine's Day for it to redeem itself!!
I had a wonderful morning at home with my love and my animals. Then work was awesome! My hair was good tonight, I got lots of compliments on it. My outfit was completely adorable (My friend at KittenStitches from previous post), and it was just a great vibe!!
I even got mad at my DJ for a sec because I was doing Double Trouble (2 girls dance together) with another girl and each set he would announce her name but not mine!! Geez man, your job isnt that hard....just gets the names right and play the music.
I got over it though because my night was going so well that I only cared for half a second, then I coulda cared fucking less =)
I need to shower and get to bed though because B and I are going out for sunday breakfast in the morning! Yay!
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Towards the middlish-end of the night I was getting BORED and I was tired of being rejected so I kind of gave up. oh well.
Tonight I will just try not to get discouraged with all the "no thank yous" and the "maybe laters"
Actually....I felt like the more I hung out with guys and was in a good mood the faster the time went by =)
oh! My friend made a Valentines outfit for me!! She is an awesome designer/seamstress chick :) We took a picture of it and maybe I can post it for ya'll to look at later..... Go to her website and check out her stuff!!!!
Thursday, February 12, 2009
1. Make your own valentine for her/him. Its not hard...just get some construction paper, markers and Elmers glue. If you wanna REALLY seal the deal, write her a short love letter or poem on it. Just make sure it expresses your personality.
2. Get an old shoebox, tape red construction paper all around the top and sides (or whatever color you prefer) and fill the box with favorite photographs, love letters, keepsakes from special occasions, movie tickets...etc.
3. Make an old skool CD of your favorite songs (don't forget to add the really cheesy, mushy songs for some laughs). Buy some Classic love movies or some of her all time favs and wrap them all together with red ribbon.
4. You can't go wrong with Jewelry. Its always a favorite. For the woman in your life, buy a heart-shaped locket and put a picture of yourself in it. Personalize the locket with her initialls so she’ll have something to wear that’s hers alone. It makes it extra special. Give it to her as shes getting dressed to go out to dinner...you cant lose =)
5. Give her flowers. Not just a plain dozen of red roses. Try white roses....they mean eternal love and loyalty. Plus, they will look great on your counter all week and they will remind her how much you love her everytime she walks by.
6. I'm a big fan of this one: Make your honey's favorite dinner and serve it on a romantically set table and dine by candlelight on Valentine’s Day. Even if you are not a great cook or have never done it let me tell you- you are already WAY ahead of the game because at least u tried! Anyone can make a reservation for petes sake.
7. Give the man in your life a personalized gift for his favorite hobby. Your man loves Football? Buy him a new pigskin and deliver it to him topless =)
8. These days, just having time alone together is precious. Plan a romantic getaway. Even if its just spending the day lounging in the backyard together....
9. If you are planning on asking her to marry you (so cliche), then hide the engagement ring in a box of candy or in a flute filled with champagne. Dont overthink the proposal...your nerves will be going full speed as it is....just keep it simple...
10. If you want to propose at home(much better idea), sprinkle rose petals around the house. and light as many candles as you can to set the mood. You will know when the time is right =)
Ok so maybe it's not THAT bad. But damn...where did all the money go?? I used to make a good fairly decent average of 3-4oo bucks a shift. NOW I'm lucky to make 200 bucks on a Saturday night.
Now I will say- Strippers are the best complainers. When its good- Its REAL good. REAL good. But man oh man when its bad.....its shit.
Everyone just wants to hang out and drink lately and nobody wants to buy dances and have fun!!!!!
This "economy" crap can suck it.
Maybe its my attitude. But frankly, I don't care. I'd rather stay home.
I need to start working out again and clear my head a little.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Stripping and/or Strippers
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Saturday, February 7, 2009
I mean- I did alright. I'm really happy with what I made BUT I am not very happy with myself. I could have been more social. I should've been more social. I probably could've doubled what I made had I just walked up to people and hung out and been fun! Instead I walked in feeling really great anf hot and pumped...then the anxiety started creeeeeeeping up on me. Do I look ok? Do these guys even have money? (obviously they did bc everyone else made their money) Am I gonna say the right thing? I really just got so nervous that all I could do was sit downstairs by my locker texting my babe. He kept saying, "Its ok...just go up there and smile and be yourself....If you can't then just come home" I'm pathetic.
So a few times in the night when I got up enough courage to talk to people then I would get dances. Or a few extra tips on my stage set. So I know I can do it- Its just.....after almost 7 years of dancing I am SOOOOO over it. I'm just not good at it anymore. My mind is always somewhere else. Well I guess I shouldnt say that bc when I am on the ball- I do great. Its just so hard to get on the ball these days.
The reason I got sent home a while back is bc my boss said I was wasted (If I drink-its usually one MAYBE 2 glasses of wine all night) and yelled at a customer. ugh. Soooooo I though about having a glass of wine last night to take the edge away and become a little more social but I didnt bc I was too scared to go ask him for a drink ticket!!! lol.
I CANNOT let this happen to me again tonight. I need to try and relax better bc I cant put myself through that again!! My stomach was in knots I was getting hot fucking flashes I swear and Im only 24. =)
I can do this I can do this
Lately Ive been super self concious too. All the girls at my job are so pretty and tan and blonde. Dont get me wrong- I know Im a beatuiful girl and I have a great body (some days) but I dunno....Their attitudes really take them that extra mile. I need an attitude adjustment. I need something. It seems guys love the "stripper" type and I just cant fake it lately.
Friday, February 6, 2009
I guess I should think about the things I am excited about : The dressing up part =) I love the hair and makeup and eyelashes and all of that. I don't wear anything when I am home because B prefers me with a naked face. But when I get the chance to glam up I really love it. Maybe I should take a pic tonight and post it on here? ANYWAY- I also am very excited to see the few particular girls that are my friends and I trust and they love me back. Mostly just V and P =) I am excited for the attention!!!!! I love when the guys stare at me like I am the sexiest thing they have ever seen- even though that's usually overshadowed by the cheesy song that's playing- and the lame 1 dollar tip he just gave me =( Most of all I will be happy to come home with some cash in my pocket $$$$$ I hope. Cross your fingers.
With all this said- I am not going to get myself all worked up and anxious. Mostly just anxious about the drive. It can be really long and nerve wracking driving down that highway at 6 o'clock in the evening on a Friday night. Luckily when I get off work at 3 am the drive will be super easy and fine since I will be the only one on the road. I am going to light a candle and do my makeup in my living room with my babe (who came home last night yipppee) and drink some hot tea.
Deep Breaths. No anxiety attacks.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
I should go to work considering all my bills are late right now and B is gone anyway. I'm scheduled on Friday, Saturday and Sunday so I'll just wait and go in then...
My chihuahua has been growing SO fast! She is 3.1 lbs now =D Yesterday I threw the ball in the backyard for a good hour and she just raaaaaaan her little heart out! Maybe we will go and do it again today.
Other than that, I have nothing interesting to talk about. xoxo
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
B had to leave as soon as I got home. He'll be gone working in Idaho for at least a week. BOO! I only got to see hi for a few hours when I got home then he had to go.... =( I miss him badly.
From what I've been hearing from my friends the club totally sucked while I was gone...so I'm not looking forward to that either.
Basically I have no happy news. I am pretty much just sad and lonely bc I miss everyone ='(
My animals keep me company and i just LOVE them. They make me smile when I'm sad.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Friday, January 30, 2009
so they continued playing pool when she came over, sat on their table, and said "So are you buying my beer, or what?" Brian, who is always a gentlemen, said sure and to go ahead and put it on his tab.....
So later on when they were ready to go home Dana stumbled up to him (DRUNK) and asked if he could take her home. LOL. Brian said sorry he couldnt drive her home bc he already had to drop his friend off on his way. Brian offfered her 20 bucks for a cab, but she refused saying that she could pay for her own cab but really she just wanted to "talk" with an old friend.
Some girls might be upset by this- but I was completely impressed. My man had complete control over the situation all while still being nice and respectful.
Even though she was throwing herself at him, I think Brian handled the situation perfectly :)
I'm a lucky girl!!!!!! xoxoxoxoxoo
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Monday, January 26, 2009
Well my sister is married to a mexican man (we are Italian) and has two little mexicana princess baby girls :)
So today I said, "lets make enchiladas for dinner tonight" My sister said "ok....BUT....its never gonna be the same as Lucas's grandma's so dont be offended" lol
I decided to go totally opposite of regular red chile enchiladas and I made Sour Cream Chicken Enchiladas made with mild green chiles (the way my B loves it) it was DELICIOUS and everyone loved them. My sister ate two whole plates and said they were "different but very very good"
Score one for the Gringo :)
My friend told me that last night at the club was terrible. She walked with 10 bucks. Seriously. WTF. Our club has been sooooooo packed lately but for some reason nobody has been making money!!! They are all there to drink and "just hang out" and sit back and STARE for free. Even worse is that she says the DJ did not announce anything about private dances or tipping the girls or anything. LAME. Our DJ sucks.
Example: His booth is directly behind our main stage and there is a fog machine only on this stage (disgusting smelly nasty fog shoots out) welllllllll, we are all very suspicious bc he always has weird ppl hanging out in his booth and usually his nasty washed up wife too. Well, a couple months ago I noticed he would turn on the fog machine and get the room SUPER foggy so that he could take a hit from his CRACK PIPE real quick and nobody would notice bc of the immense amount of fog. Gross. What a loser. His wife too. Not to worry though- if I felt like at ANY time I was inhaling that shit.....I would tell someone (not that my managment gives a FUCK about what dancers say). Until then, I will ignore the stupid asshole and go on about my business. I dont wanna lose my job for "tattling" EVEN THOUGH umm its completely illegal and sick and disgusting what he does. He is always sooo SWEATYYY too. Thats the cocaine. yuck. We hate tipping him bc we know what an ss he is and we know exactly what the tip money will be spent on. ugh.
SOOOO glad to be away from that place for a bit.
changing the subject
The girls are upstairs taking their bath before bed right now and as soon as she gets out I told her I would paint her toes pink for her (shes only 4, so shes only allowed to paint her toes, not her fingers) :) So cute. Life is good.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Just the break fom reality I needed.
My head is clearing and I looooooooove it.
Although- I do miss my babe pretty bad. He's so good to me!!! Im lucky and spoiled ROTTEN! LOL
wooooooooooot O happy Day
Saturday, January 24, 2009
at our locker downstairs she says " HEY! Theres a guy up there, his name is J, I told him I was sending you upstairs to say hello. He's kind of having a bad day so I know you can cheer him up"
I get up there and see a dude that fits the description she gave me..... I crouched down next to him with my hand on his back, smiled the best I could, and said "Hi are you John?" He looked noticably drunk, but a good drunk, could still hold a conversation. "Yep Im John"
We sat and laughed and talked for about 1 hour...lol, strangely I was even attracted to him. He had really great eyes. Very soulful, if that makes sense. He made me laugh and I made him laugh and never even asked him about his bad day...it was great. I think its what we both needed and I found myself thinking about that connection we had allllllll night and into this morning (obviously)
It wasnt even a sexual connection so much. I mean DUUUUH there DEF was some sex chemistry. But Im a taken woman and it was probabbly bc I was half naked in front of him anyway BUT it waas something more. Like a weird emotional connection. It was like we had known each other in another life.
creepy....i know lol
So moral of the story....thank you D :)
Thursday, January 22, 2009
I got about 4 minutes into my workout and SERIOUSLY I was already feeling winded. I thought I was in pretty good shape from stripping but nooooooooooo way.
OK so 4 minutes in and I'm huffing and puffing....the fat girls in the video are barely sweating WTF.
Im trying as hard as I can and frankly I think I am doing pretty good bc I was semi-keeping up and pushing myself
B walks in the door and says " Those girls are kicking their leg out way further babe....do it better."
I'm the one TRYING here. Support me don't discourage me!! I started crying of course bc my feelers were hurt and I was in pain and just felt likw crying. THEN his tune changed. He said
"im sorry honey, you are doing great, I just want you to get the max workout for your effort"
Yeah whatever.... ugh
He messed up and said a stupid thing and it totally ruined my workout for the day!!! Or maybe I am the one that ruined it for myself by letting him get me down.
Tomorrow I shall try again
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
My legs are sore. HOLY CRAP.
I have never worked out in my life and I knew it was gonna be bad but
The actual routine was only kinda hard, I got super sweaty and winded lol, but i'm sure after a few more days I will be ready to go to Level 2.....
Monday, January 19, 2009
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Afew hours later I am up in the VIP with S and I see her sitting a few tables over with a regular. OMG she's STILL talking about the dogs!!!!! lol
At the end of the night after Platter when we are all walking downstairs, she is in front of me talking to Nicole saying "ooh shit dude omg what about the dogs?? im freaking out" Nicole lookede VERY irritated.
Bama- don't make yourself so obvious. Seriously. Everyone knows you had coke in your locker and bag and up your nose. Its ok. Just ditch it and SHUT THE FUCK UP about it. Nobody cares.
I sat in the vip with S last night, who frankly, I'M FUCKING SICK OF. He can be really cool but I nooooooooooooot worth it anymore. We talked a bit about my brother and he told me some really nice, sweet things and gave me really good advice BUT ugh I dunno. He can be SO disrespectful and Cool at the same time!! I guess it comes down tot how much money he is giving me. Which, with the way my club has been lately, its pretty good for a shift. So I only have to see him once a week, sometimes once every 2 weeks, so I'll hang in there
J texted me- "Hey babe, I hope you have a great weekend!!!!" Soooooo I guess that means hes NOT coming in this weekend?? I cant be greedy and expect him to give me that much money weekly and regulary?? or can i? Either way, Ill give him a week off but next weekend he owes me bc Im going to Pheonix and I need $$$$$$$$$$$$ :) Im a greedy bitch sometimes.
When we get downtairs after platter to get ready to go me and my locker corner (me, and 3 other girls plus kendra and sometimes Crissy lol) all grab chairs and sit in front of our lockers and talk, get dressed, count money blah blah. Last night I was grouchy and tired. I pulled my chair up to my locker then decided to go get some soup from the housemom. I said "Hey nobody take my chair K? Ill be RIGHT back bitches" ok seriously, 4 seconds later I come back and this stupid BITCH who, get this, has two neon orange star tatoos AROUND both of her nipples ANNNND a "Made in Malaysia" tattoo on her ASS, is sitting in my fucking chair counting her money. BITCH. So I said louddly, "THANKS ALOT BITCH I'm not feelin great and I asked nobody to take my chair!!!!!" She pretended like sh didnt hear me and all my friends lol were loike "Here babe sit in my chair/share with me/lemme go get you another chair" LOL I love my girls.......The Angelica leaned ove to me and said "I will roll that bitch and we'll get your fucking chair" Paris said"We'll fuck her up dude that was fucked up" LOL and poor V said
"Uh I didnt even hear you lololololo"
The moral of this story is hahhahahaaaaaaa We are mean. Well\, I am mean. I got super upset over a DISGUSTING old strip club blue fucking makeup chair. My friends were ready to jump her. hahahaaa.
Either way, I wanted my damn chair! so childish
Then I cried on my drive home bc I was sad about my brother. I actually yelled out loud in my car what I would've said to him". I probably looked funny but, for me, it really helped get o9ut my aggression and stresses.....ugh.
B woke up and sat with me while I scarfed down a lean cuisine. I was crying and eating all at once and he sat next to me rubbing my back. HES AMAZING. I'm so lucky. He turned my shower on for me and said "leave ur plate there, Ill get it" So I set my dinner plate in the coffee table and got into the shower, and then fell asleep HARD.
No regulars coming in tonight. I am going to try to keep a bright smile on my face and an open mind.... hopefully it brings the $$$$
Friday, January 16, 2009
But its never gonna happen at the rate hes going
Ppl say "he'll grow out of it" I bet he doesn't.
I bought my ticket to pheonix to go see my sister and the kids for a week. It will be so great to see her I CANNOT even wait. Shes my BFF :) And the kids fill my soul, and my soul has been emptying slowly lately due to my SELFISH brother.
Made Cheesy Manicotti for dinner w/ homeade garlic rolls. It was delish...B said it was one of the best dinners I have made :) Succcesss!
I'm working Friday, Saturday and Sunday. I sure hope my shifts are decent!!!!!! Lately its been at least one horrible shift a week. Whats up with that shit anyway??
Annyway sorry I know Im jumping around subjects- but I think being with my sister will bring lots of much needed girl talk/family talk/ brother discussing therefore clearing my brain a tad of all the bullshit that has been clouding it up
At least my home life is good. me and B are as happy as ever and I love my life and my dogs and my everything......Just slight family crap that it starting to creep up and put a stink in things GRRRR
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Shawn: My grandad is getting married and leaving me out on the streets...now im homeless
Me: Hes not leaving you homeless!! You are a grown man and you need to take care of yourself! Have you been looking for a job?
Shawn: Whatever natalie, you can go to hell. Im tired of asking you for help and getting nothing in return
Me: ????????? You treat me like shit. Stop texting me with your complaining about EVERYTHING. get a job and get a life.
Shawn: You are dead to me. I fucking hate you you peice of shit.
I dont know what to say to that. I never returned the text and he never wrote back. I cant be treated this way anymore even if it mean I no longer talk to my idiot baby brother (for a while anyway)
The only time we ever talk anyway is when hes got a problem (which is always).
I'm over it.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Made crock pot chicken tonight and some strawberry bread with cream cheese glaze over the top for dessert :) My man is so spoiled
May go get my hair trimmed tomorrow!!
Life is good
J came in last night like he said he would, we hung out in the vip for about 3 hours. we only danced about 3 songs total. Mostly we just sat and talked. When my DJ called Last Call he said "be right back" and I watched him walk to the ATM. He came back and handed me 600 bucks :) YIPPEEE! So the night went very very well...
Woke up this morning and went to have breakfast with my hunny....eggs benedict with a side of fruit. yummy.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
So last night at work was terrible. Nothing was good about last night. Money sucked. Stockshow cowboys are CHEAP ASSHOLES. And my friend is having a really bad time. GRRRRR
Why do men insist on degrading us and treating us like meat?? Seriously, I have no problem dancing NAKED for you however, please show me and my friends and co workers some fucking respect. Next time some loser tries to poke me in the asshole with a flimsy fucking dollar I just might flip out. OH, and jesus christ please take those disgusting fithy dollars out of your mouths people. GROSS. Ill admit, if it was a 20, 50, or hundred....i jussssst might take it with my mouth. maybe. BUT NOT YOUR STUPID FLIMSY TORN FUCKING ONE DOLLAR BILL.
man, I guess I have some pent up aggression from last night. It was miserable.
My job better redeem itself tonight.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
I did really well last night at work. S was in there ACTUALLY being nice. I think when I told him to fuck off last time that I cant handle him being over the line drunk - maybe he took note? maybe not? Meh, whichever way- he was tolerable last night ANNNNND I was the only girl there out of his favorites so yay for me I got all the $$$$$$. woot.
C was in there the beginning part of my shift, I feel sooooo bad for this man. I've known him almost 6 years and he has been coming into the club for at leas 15 years!! He is married to a girl named L that used to work at Shottys. They fell in love hard and have been ,arried now for the past 14 years Wellllllllllllllllllllllll L has a cocaine problem. They are getting divorced bc she has just done so many not forgivable things to him in the last years and its getting to be too much for him. C was damn near crying bc he found out that while he was away for the holidays visiting his son.....She fucked some other dude alllll over there house. Poor guy. L is a hooo bag. Coke whore. C is a good man and deserves a real woman ....Im gonna text him later and see how hes doing :(
J said he is coming in on Sunday and can't wait to see me....weird. He's weird. BUT he gives me ALOT of money :) well....alot for me :)
Last night I was starving when we left and WTF the housemom had NO FOOD left. ugh. Maybe thats a good sign bc the food was good? but daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn bitch needs to have a crisis stash of crackers! Or maybe I should just keep a crisis stash in my own locker? Anyway, I went to mcdonalds and ordered a big n tasty with just meat, cheese, ketchup and bread :) The lady was all "are you sure??" yes bitch, im sure. I scarfed the fries. oooh how I love greasy salty fries.
I hope I meet some cool people tonight at work that have lots of spending money!!!!!!!!! xoxoxoxo
Friday, January 9, 2009
B says on monday we are gonna hang all day at he river. I hope we can just spend the night up there too, Im tired of my house and I wanna get away...
I need to buy a plane ticket to Pheonix so I can go see my sister and the kids I looooooove visiting her.
Well...Hope tonite goes well for me
Thursday, January 8, 2009
B is at Bop's house working on the Harley they are going to ride them up the mountain in a bit. I havent decided if I wanna ride too...I should bc its sooooo so fun but Im just sooooooooooooooooooooooooo lazy right now.
Im gonna get up and shower and have some breakfast.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
There's a fire burning in Boulder right now and its getting bad. It is out in the hills where there are a lot of family farms, so the horses and cattle all had to be relocated. :( Its sad because these people could lose everything they have. well...every material thing. The animals are all spooked. I hope everything turns out alright and Ill be watching the 9 news to see
So B has been asking me to make him some healthy snacks sooooo...I made him some yummy peanutbutterballs (haha balls) and out a squirt (haha squirt) of grape jelly on the inside. YUM
And I made some Applesauce Oatmeal cookies...they're good but next time I will probably add raisins since they are B's fav.
I texted my brother this morning "How are you feeling?" and he wrote back "Like Shit..
I wont let him bother me. well, Ill TRY. my cry today was probably my anxiety from him coming out of my body. No sense in crying over someone who will never know/believe you were even upset. Hes stuck inside his own walls of thoughts and I cannot open the door for him.
B has only 4 more classes left O THANK GOD. I hate it when he has to go there. We had amazing sex this morning :) It was so lovely.... we shall again tonite I suppose... :)
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Hes needs to learn to take control of his own life. I cannot do it for him. Happiness is created and if u stomp around with a bad attitude and a "woe is me" attitude then well YEA YOUR LIFE IS GONNA BE SHIT.
and how dare he treat my mother the way he does. Doesnt he see that she loves him and hurts for him? I hate to listen to my mom cry over things he's said or done. Hes so hurtful.
GROW UP ALREADY!!!!!!!!
I cant take much more of your guilt trips and manipulation. Our mother has done everything she can for you!!! Treat her with respect please.
GRRR...now that I got that out...
work tonite was GAY. What the hell was I thinking going in for a 4 to 10 shift. I know better. I just had a small burst of motivation to get up and get my ass to work and make that $$$$$$$$$$$ yeah.....well.....it didnt turn out quite like i planned. Although, I worked with a new DJ today who is friends with my good friend so that was fun...yay.
Gonna stay home tomorrow and thursday and try to get some good lovie time in with my B before he leaves on Sunday to go to Iowa for work. He should only be gone for 1 week this time. I will surely miss him :(
baaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh nothing more to say xoxo
Monday, January 5, 2009
Growing up me and my Grandma were ALWAYS in the kitchen. always. She would chop the vegetables and I would carefully pour them into the boiling water. I mixed the cookie dough while she measured out all the ingredients, She would slow cook the pasta sauce all day and come ask me to be her taste tester. We most definitely share a love of food and giving and love.
Tonight I made a Split Pea soup....some people probably say ewwwwww wtf split peas are nasty. YES yes they are. BUT its all in how you slow cook and simmer the soup adding just the right ingresients. I slow coooked a ham hock (for smoky flavor), onion, LOTS of garlic, carrot and add a bay leaf....then add in the prepared split peas YUMMMMM omg its amazing. seriously.
Ive been trying to get more vegetable and healthy foods into my B. He walked in the house, kissed me and sid OMG Whats that smell it smells soooo yummy:) He ate two bowls :)
Food is love and how I can nourish and feed and nurture my friends and family. Im a big softie and total nurtuer. however the fuck you spell it.
Anyway, If anyone ever reads this ever ever then go to AllRecipes.com tons of real home cooks and their wonderful recipes. Its one of my favs.
Last night at work was alright. pretty normal. I miss my friend, but shes going through family stuff right now :( My heart bleeds for this girl!! She just can't catch a break lately...
So my secret santa (my cousin) brought me a lump of coal for christmas....meaning she forgot to get me something LOL. So I talked to her on myspace yesterday and said "babe, dont worry about my gift!! really its ok!" and i thought everything was fine....well my aunt just called me aand was lik e"omg d feels so bad!!!!" I told her to telll her i love her and seriously its no problem. (seems a TAD greedy to go askin for gifts way after christmas lol) ....so whatever
Theres a chick at work, we'll call her A. She can be a basketcase!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Probably because of all the cocaine that she does. I mean seriously, the girls has a problem. AND im l;aughing because last night she told me very nonchalantly that she was 26. YEAH RIGHT HONEY. maybe 10 years ago!!!!!! lol..i can be vicious sometimes.
B is up at Mary Jane snowboarding right now :) I love him and he loves snowboarding!! I hope hes having a good time.....
lazy days off are my fav!!!!
Saturday, January 3, 2009
My night at work started off with me walking around the room looking as if I didnt know what I was doing (I didn;t). FINALLY, as I got up on stage 3 there was a very tall, bald, skinny dorky guy. with bad breath. He kept saying "wow honey your body is unreal" very VERY drunk slurrrrrrrrring. I said, "come for a lapdance with me, ya?" and he goes "DUH, of course"
Now this was my first dance of the night!!!!!! It was like 10 o'clock and I hadnt had a dance yet!!! so yes, I was happy :)
We get into the dance room and OH MY GOD this guy had naaaasty beer breath. GROSS. Brush your teeth boys!!!! We danced 3 songs and he gave me one hundred bucks. YESS! I was called to stage, but after my set we went back for more dances....danced 3 songs and this time he gave me 200. yipee!! We went to sit at the bar together bc he needed a beer....while at the bar he "gazed int my eyes" hahahah!!!! I seduced this drunken man BAD! LOL. we taslked a bit then he stood up and said "I gotta go now, my cab is waiting" I stood up to hug him and he pulled his wad o' cash out of his pocket, handed it all to me and said "you deserve it baby" LOL he was trying to talk sooo smooooth. gay. I walked him to the door, said my thank yous, then ran downstairs to put my money away in a safe place. I did not count it.
Soooooooooooooooooo I get upstairs and my friend S is there. He says "I saw you sitting over there with that guy....it made me a bot jealous" HHAHAHAHAAAA!!!!!! GOOD!! I wasnt trying...I sat and flirted with S for the last hour or so of my shift....he was drunk (as usual) but this time we talked until last call and there was no time to do dances with him (thank god, i hate dancing with him) so he handed me 200 in dream girl chips and said "well i had gotten these for you...so i guess ill just give em to you now" (yesssss) so sweet!!
My night turned out well (miraculously)I stopped and got McDonalds and got some nuggets because I was STARVING.
Brian went and chopped a whole truckload of firewood and unloaded it up against the house this morning all while I was asleep! Hes a good man and now we are restocked on firewood wooop.
Work started off good for this year....lets hope it stays that way.
Friday, January 2, 2009
"im gonna start working out"
"im gonna go tanning EVERYDAY"
"im taking a long fucking vacation"
I get it because I've said all these things myself.....yet here I sit on my couch "burning a hole in it" as my babe would say :)
So now my thoughts go over to my friend that says "WTF why do people always want to "change" at the beginning of the year?? Don;t they realize that it doesnt take a special day to change?!" THAT'S why I love the girl (Well, one of the many awesome reasons!). Shes absolutely right.
I should just GET OFF MY ASSSSSSS and DO all the things that I sit here dreaming of.....
these are NOT "resolutions" by any means. Just things I have been thinking about:
visits to my sister & mother
1 vacation with my sweetie
I dont think thats asking to much. All its gonna take is a bit of planning and a lot of WORKING and PATIENCE and SAVING :)
maybe I put too much of the stress on myself. Well, actually I completely do create it all myself.
One day at a time is all I can do
im excited yet nervous...!! I hope this time next year I can look back and be proud of myself